- The Roast of Carrot Top and Brigitte Nielsen?
 Comedian Carrot Top was the target of many jokes. Photo from SpyNotebook.com
Other than Public Enemy hype man Flavor Flav, Carrot Top and Brigitte Nielsen – Flav’s ex and ex-movie star – were the biggest marks during last night’s premiere airing of “Comedy Central’s Roast of Flavor Flav.”
The roast had this reviewer asking whether Carrot Top was the new Andy Dick? No, Carrot Top didn’t do any wild or outlandish antics like humping guys on stage or licking Farah Fawcett’s face, although he did have those damn props.
Very much like Andy Dick though, Carrot Top was both one of the favorite targets of the night and one of the most squeamish when he was in the bullseye.
Here are the best lines targeted at Carrot Top:
Comedian Katt Williams on Carrot Top’s looks/parentage: “If Ronald McDonald f----ed Wendys.”
Comedian Greg Giraldo: “You look retarded. How did you find a plastic surgeon who could add a chromosome?”
Rapper Snoop (or is it Snoop Dogg, now? Who cares): “Who the hell let the bride of Chucky up in here?”
Comedian Katt Williams again on Carrot Top: “I salute Carrot Top for showing Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnel what a real butch lesbian is supposed to look like.”
Comedian Jeff Ross: “Carrot top, you’re busting out of your clothes. You're like the incredible hack.”
Comedian Lisa Lampanelli: “I used to think everyone called you Carrot Top because of your red hair, but now I realize it’s that everyone wants to see you buried up to your neck in dirt.”
The roast started off strong, but came to came to a metal twisting, wheel screeching halt during Brigitte Nielsen and Carrot Top's sets, which came one after the other. They sucked the air (along with the funny) out of the room.
Aren’t these shows edited down? I mean isn’t that why Comedy Central tapes these shows weeks ahead of time – besides, of course, editing out the really good stuff, like the curse words. I hate to think what Carrot Top and Brigitte Nielsen were like unplugged?
But there were still some great lines. Here are few, at least the cleaner ones:
Comedian Jimmie Kimmel on Flavor Flav’s parenting and numerous illegitimate kids: “Flavor Flav is responsible for more homeless black children than Hurricane Katrina.”
Comedian Jeff Ross on Flavor Flav: “How do we roast charcoal?”
Comedian Jeff Ross on Flavor Flav’s VH1 hit “Flavor of Love,” where 20 beautifies compete for Flav’s love: “If I wanted to see a midget bang hookers, I would go to a party at (Entourage’s) Jeremy Piven’s house.”
Comedian Carrot Top on Brigitte Nielsen, who for reference sake, is the ex-wife of Sylvester Stallone: “How did you go from f—ing Rocky to f—ing Bullwinkle?”
Comedian Jimmie Kimmel again on Flavor’s parenting: “Chris Benoit is a better father than Flavor Flav.” (Remember, Benoit was the ex-WWE wrestler believed to have killed his wife and son before killing himself in a presumed steroid rage this summer.)
It seemed that some in the viewing audience also had to be reminded who Flavor Flav was also. Before the festivities began, there was a montage video to let people know who he was – at least before his stint on VH1’s “The Surreal Life” that later spawned his viral (but addictive) reality programs.
Quick note to Comedy Central: If you need a montage to give the audience a background lesson on the guy you’re roasting, chances are that person is not worthy of being roasted.
Come on Comedy Central, Flavor Flav shouldn’t be roasted. He’s black enough already. He should be fried. (Sorry, I was in the roast spirit. That was a joke. Please don’t call the Rev. Jesse Jackson.)
But no, the roast wasn’t all that bad. Not the greatest though. Even unedited and with all lulls left in tack intact, the Howard Stern roasts of Sirius Satellite radio still ranks supreme.
At these Comedy Central Roasts, it’s also shocking to see how these celebrities’ alleged closest friends never show up. Like at the last roast of William Shatner, of Star Trek fame, Leonard Nimoy (i.e., Spock) was a no show. Last night, Flavor Flav partner and Public Enemy’s No. 1 MC, Chuck D, pulled a ‘Nimoy’ and simply taped a spot that aired during the roast.
Is this a commentary on how insignificant Comedy Central’s roasts are? Or how insignificant Hollywood/entertainment friendships are?
But the “Flavor of Love” girls, who vied (embarrassingly) for Flav’s affection on national television, did attend the roast in person. But did they not realize why they were there or why they got such good seats?
They appeared aghast each time an insult was thrown their way. Hey ladies, here's a newsflash: You’re the comic relief.
Did they not get the memo? Or did they get it but couldn’t read it?
Anyway, with “Flavor of Love” off the air, and with not one but two spin offs from that reality train wreck (“Charm School” and “I Love New York”) breaking VH1 ratings records, and now with a primetime roast, Flavor Flav has officially (and finally) jumped the shark. (Sorry, John Hein.)
Let’s close this disgraceful (albeit fun-filled) chapter in Americana.
Didn’t you hear? “Chachi” has new reality TV show on VH1 too now.
Here is a breakdown of the night’s biggest targets, by the number of jokes thrown their way:
Flavor Flav: 58
Brigitte Nielsen: 25
Carrot Top: 14
Lisa Lampanelli: 13
Katt Williams: 13
Jimmie Kimmel: 10
Flavor of Love Girls: 10
Jeff Ross: 10
Ice T: 9
Snoop: 6
Sommore: 6
Greg Giraldo: 3
Here are my picks for the night:
Best roaster: Greg Giraldo.
Worst roasters: Brigitte Nielsen/Carrot Top in a dead heat (Flavor Flav a close third).
Surprise breakout: Snoop.
Visit ComedyCentral.com for unedited clips of the Flavor Flav roast. (Or just wait a few weeks for it to air on the Saturday “Secret Stash” segment after midnight.)
[Comedy Central]
After an abysmal showing in the Iowa straw poll this weekend, Republican presidential candidate Tommy Thompson is bowing out of his presidential bid, his aides announced Sunday night, according to CNN.comThe former Health and Human Services secreatry will make room for another Thompson: ex-Sen. and "Law & Order" man Fred Thompson, who should finally enter the race around Labor Day.
[CNN.com] - Chan-Tucker 'Rush' to top, again
They still got it. Karate man Jackie Chan and funny man Chris Tucker again revitalized the "Rush Hour" franchise by landing atop of the weekend box office during their third outing together -- this time in Paris. Oh la la. Still, "The Bourne Ultimatum" had a respectable second week showing.
Here are the weekend box office totals: 1. "Rush Hour 3," $50.3 million.
2. "The Bourne Ultimatum," $33.7 million.
3. "The Simpsons Movie," $11.1 million.
4. "Stardust," $9 million.
5. "Underdog," $6.5 million.
6. "Hairspray," $6.4 million.
7. "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry," $5.9 million.
8. "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," $5.4 million.
9. "No Reservations," $3.9 million.
10. "Daddy Day Camp," which opened Wednesday, $3.3 million.
[Associated Press via CNN.com] The legendary creator of "Jeopardy!" and "Wheel of Fortune" Merv Griffin died Sunday. He was 82.
[ChicagoTribune]
Compiled by Dwayne Robinson, TheSequitur.com Senior Editor.
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