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Harry Potter and the Alternate Endings |
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Spoiler Warning: This article could contain spoilers about the book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. If you haven't read this book (which even those only vaguely interested in the series probably finished half a year ago) and have any desire to be surprised by the ending, you should probably stop reading now.
The LA Times reports that the movie adaptation of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the final installment in J.K. Rowling's fantasy series, will be split into two theatrical releases: one in 2010 and one in 2011. While some people claim that this is just a way for Warner Bros. Pictures to make more money off the sensational story (which they will) many fans and Potter veterans alike applaud the decision.
According to the Times: "I think it's the only way you can do it, without cutting out a huge portion of the book," said Daniel Radcliffe, the actor who has portrayed Potter from the beginning of the movie adaptations.
Producer David Heyman agrees: “Unlike every other book, you cannot remove elements of this book."
While I remain excited that execs are giving the final Potter movie the time needed to fully honor the book itself, the edge of my seat belongs to the features bound to be released on the DVD. I am admittedly addicted to alternate endings. Here are a few alternate endings I would like to see in the DVD release for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:
- Voldemort wins the final battle, promptly relinquishes his title of “Evilest Bastard Alive” to Dick Cheney.
- Bellatrix Lestrange lives, mends her ways, and becomes an inspirational speaker and co-host of The View.
- Harry wins the final battle, but buckles under the weight of his complicated past, becoming a raging alcoholic who magically steals beer from the Newcastle Brewery to support his addiction.
- Ron Weasely continues being a raving douchebag.
- Hermione Granger discovers that there's far more money in amateur pornography than there is in magic.
- The Live Action Role Players (LARPers) who dress up and pretend they are characters from the Harry Potter series have a party where they actually get laid by real-live girls.*
* Compiler's note: If any producers out there are interested in a movie like this, my friends and I meet at a park in San Antonio every Saturday. I'll be the one dressed as Severus Snape.
[Forbes, LA Times]
Branden Hart, a TheSequitur.com assistant managing editor, works as an editor in San Antonio. |
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