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A prediction comes true: the iColon debuts in Jamaica |
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Written by Branden Hart
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Thursday, 10 July 2008 |
In January, TheSequitur.com editorial board revealed its predictions for 2008. Among them: the invention of the iColon, “...an implant that allows the user to talk out of his or her ass.” And thanks to a particularly resourceful inmate in a Jamaican prison, that prediction has come true. Sort of.
Upon further investigation, there was only one conclusion they could come to: the inmate's ass was ringing.According to the Jamaican Star, an inmate in Jamaica's Horizon Remand Centre was suspected of having a cell phone in his possession. Reasonably, officers searched the inmate's cell and discovered a cell phone. Upon leaving, satisfied with their raid, the officers were surprised by a strange, muffled noise. Another phone was ringing, and it wasn't the one they had confiscated from the inmate's cell.
Upon further investigation, there was only one conclusion they could come to: the inmate's ass was ringing.
According to the Star: “This led to a further search and after combing the cell thoroughly again, it was discovered that the device was inside the accused man's body. Gloves were said to have been requested, and the phone retrieved from the man's body.”
I'll avoid lingering on the anatomical implications of inserting a cell phone into your anal cavity. Or how the inmate planned to retrieve the device. Or why he left the phone powered on.
I'll leave the answers to those questions to you.
[Jamaican Star]
Branden Hart, a TheSequitur.com assistant managing editor, works as an editor in San Antonio.
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