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Saget takes the stage to the theme song from "Full House," and doesn't hesitate to make jokes about John Stamos's...erm...genitalia. In the end, Saget delivers something that was absent from the roast of Flavor Flav: he is absolutely hilariously insulting to his roasters. From STDs to pedophiles, nothing is off limits for Saget's retaliation. In the end, this has been the best roast that Comedy Central has offered since...well, they've never been that good. But at least they give Greg Giraldo something to do with himself. 10:20 p.m., CST
Gilbert Gottfried kicks off the end of the roast with a bunch of Greek jokes aimed at Stamos, displaying his screeching voice for all to hear, making a joke (which goes over my head) about Bob Saget raping and killing a girl in 1990. He doesn't forget about Cloris Leachman's breasts, but then again, who wouldn't? 10:15 p.m., CST
Sarah Silverman goes nuts, introducing a woman who is allegedly Saget's mother, only to hear the woman say she wish she'd had an abortion. Jim Norton blazes out, asking how many comics Comedy Central went through before deciding to roast Saget. Norton lets Norm Macdonald know how bad his set was by comparing him to Henry Fonda picking blueberries, to which Norm responds, "I don't thing there's a person in here who wouldn't love to watch Henry Fonda pick blueberries." He compares Cloris Leachman to the late Peter Boyle, and comments on her, ahem, dryness. He ends by lamenting Saget's health in the wake of the death of George Carlin – and with Saget about to take the stage, I imagine Carlin would be proud of the curse words sure to ensue. 10:00 p.m., CST
Norm Macdonald is seriously bombing, but then again, that's what he's famous for. I love Macdonald, but his jokes are just horrible – cauliflower? But in the end, Macdonald is delivering the kind of comedy I enjoyed when he hosted "Weekend Update" on "Saturday Night Live." Totally juvenile, purposefully under the intelligence level of the audience, but with a delivery that makes you want to slap your forehead the entire time you're laughing. Very well done. 9:55 p.m., CST Cloris Leachman finally has her turn, and claims she has "...vibrators older than most of [the attendees]." Leachman lets loose on everyone, taking time to let Norm Macdonald know she has mace, and asking someone to punch her in the face so she can see stars. "Who cares about Bob Saget?" she laments. "I was giving reacharounds to Jack Benny before you were born." Classic. - Black and Essman take on Steph
9:45 p.m., CST Lewis Black and Susie Essman let loose, with Essman saying that Stamos is doable, but narcissistic. And that "...the only person getting screwed tonight is Bob Saget." According to Essman, it was also her "...first chance to roast an asshole." Next up is Brian Posehn with a jab at Jodie Sweetin (who played Stephanie on "Full House"), Cloris Leachman (who is getting quite a bit of attention tonight) and of course, Saget himself. The teaser for the next segment of the show includes Norm Macdonald reminding everyone that performance isn't that important because it's just Comedy Central. 9:30 p.m., CST
Lovitz is singing songs about Saget not being gay and Saget liking "it" in the kitchen, then proceeds to read an "excerpt" from Saget's father's autobiography (of course it's fake) and, in general, grosses everyone out. Fortunately, Jeffrey Ross shows up to clean up the pieces, immediately taking aim at Cloris Leachman, saying "Shakespeare did her in the park." Norm Macdonald interrupts and looks up from his newspaper to say he "...had to read something, so [he's] reading 'Marmaduke,' " in retort to Ross's jabs. In the end, Ross poked fun at Saget's alleged penchant for young women. What's interesting is that they aren't showing Saget during the jokes about the Olsen twins – I think that subject may be off limit for the comedian who freely made the dirtiest joke there was in the movie "The Aristocrats."
- Greg Giraldo roasts everyone
9:15 p.m., CST
Greg Giraldo is holding no punches, and leaving no attendee untouched, even asking Cloris Leachman what she's doing there, and saying John Lovitz is the most effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank. He also claims Gilbert Gottfried has the sex appeal of a school bus fire. And a brutal Olsen twins/Heath Ledger joke – the audience wasn't sure about that one.
9:05 p.m., CST
John Stamos takes the stage and looks ready to rip Saget a new one. An obligatory "Full House" reference followed by a prompt "Go f--k yourselves," from Stamos. A montage ends the introduction, highlighting Saget's work on "Full House," "America's Funniest Home Videos," and his bit from the movie "The Aristocrats." This is going to be good. Here comes "...a huge asshole and one of [John Stamos's] best friends...Bob Saget!" Holy crap – was that a goat?!? - Danny Tanner will never be the same
7:30 p.m., CST
Tonight’s Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget could end up being one of the most foul-mouthed events television has ever seen, and given the conduct that has occurred at past roasts, that’s saying a lot. Comedians and actors including Cloris Leachman, Gilbert Gottfried and Norm Macdonald will roast the man perhaps most known for his role as Danny Tanner on the sitcom “Full House” (no word on whether the Olsen twins will attend). The roast, hosted by “Full House” alum John Stamos, should offer the kind of sadistic humor we’ve come to know and love from these roasts.
Stay tuned to this page as the roast goes on – updates to follow. During the commercials, check out the linked Comedy Central page where you can play the “Bob Saget’s Donkey Punchline” video game. Much like Carrot Top at the Comedy Central Roast of Flavor Flav, it’s fun for about a minute before it gets annoying.
[Comedy Central]
Branden Hart, a TheSequitur.com assistant managing editor, works as an editor in San Antonio.
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